Stupid Girl

You guys just did it
Made me feel like I was wanted
Like I was needed
Like I was always on your mind

But at the end
It was just an amusement for you
After you ask me to feel
You decide not to feel

Oh you guys all just the same
Lying, pretending, all at your best
And still
I have no right to be mad

I’m sick of this ‘stupid girl’ role
Be the one who got fooled all the time
Got flattered and then left behind
And still, I have no right to be mad

I won’t say “You’ll see”
Because you’re all to blind too see
Surely when I’m the one who’s doing this to you
You’re no stupid, and I’m the bitch

Oh you guys with your words
Or should I say, your deceptions?
Go chickened out all the time
But still, I don’t have the right to be mad


Yes,yes. Untuk yang datang dan pergi. Yang datang hanya saat kesepian. Yang datang karena baru putus. Kemudian menghilang dengan alasan ‘sibuk’. Yang datang hanya karena ingin pelukan. Yang datang hanya karena sedang jenuh dengan sang pacar. Apakah saya hanya sekedar pelipur lara kalian saja? Bagaimana dengan lara saya? Siapa yang mau melipur?

Well, you all can go screw yourself up.Tapi sebelumnya, ijinkan saya berteriak: BRENGSEK!

A Paper Bag, A Joke, and A Friend

A paper bag filled with love
Sent for your familly at home
Screaming the words of confuseness

A joke and a laughter later
A friend said something that made me thinking it over

Oh what the hell
It's ended long ago anyway

Escape

Where the night ends
There I'll be sleeping
Not to think of you
And burn this love to ashes

I'm holding on to the feelings
You don't feel anymore

Pasti

Aku ada, aku mengerti
Ada bisa jadi, ada pasti
Karena hati tak bisa sembunyi
Dan setiap nafas terucap 'Sepi!'

Bertemu denganmu lagi
pasti akan seperti ini
Meskipun tak ingin berfikir
Tapi aku ada, aku tahu pasti

Dan kita akan melangkah pergi
Kita akan pura-pura benci
Menjauh tanpa coba pahami
Yakini itu cuma mimpi

Karena untukku dan untuk diri ini
Ada yang lain yang terbaik
Ingin menyangkal dan berkata mungkin
Tapi lebih baik kubilang pasti

Aku cukupkan, tak ingin lagi sakit hati

I Don't Even Want To

I don't want to try to understand anything
Not your 'hellos'
Neither our laughter

I don't want to think about it
Not even a single 'why'
I'll let it pass this time

And this silly smirk means
I don't even want to try

Take Care

I won't deny anything
I won't explain anything

Good bye.

Your Love Is Poison

I need to rest my mind
It's exhausting to think,
to think about you
Baby it's heartbreaking

Do all the things I've done
Mean a little something to you?
Or was those are nothing more
Nothing more but burdens?

Do I have a spot in your heart
Do I own a spot
That lies only for me
In your heart?

There' s a hole down there
each time I'm thinking of you
I'm sinking so deep
Hoping somehow I'll survive

Do I have a spot in your heart
Do I own a spot
That lies only for me
In your heart?

I love you deep
But your love is poison
Your love is suicidal
Your love is aching, but I enjoy the pain

.waktu itu tanggal 20 Mei 2005.

I Quit From Everything

I quit from not hoping

I quit from hoping

I quit from not trying

I quit from trying

I quit from not loving

I quit from loving

I quit from ingoring

I quit from caring

I quit from moving

I quit from being static

I quit from not thinking

I quit from thinking

I quit from being strong

I quit from being weak

I quit from you

I quit from them

I quit from smiling

I quit from crying

I quit from pretending

I quit from being real

I quit from not understand

I quit from understanding

I quit from being honest

I quit from making excuses

I quit from being somebedy else

I quit from being myself

Dalam Suatu Sunyi

Jika kau merindukanku
Akupun tengah merindukanmu
Jika kau tidak,
rinduku tetap untukmu
Aku seperti bintang mati
Sepi
Aku tanpa makna
Bermimpi berlari,
aku tidak terbangun
Maka aku tetap disini
Menanti?
Menanti.
Dan menjadi angin
Hampa, tanpa cerita
Aku.
Dirimu.
Rindu.
Cinta.
Omong kosong.
Tapi aku menunggu

*seperti saat tersenyum tersipu menatap semangkuk bubur ayam..

Over And Over Again

For some reasons beyond the doubt
It will always be a “why” ahead

We’re connected way too deep, sugar baby

Even if it’s only me.

Chicken

I don't know what to call you
But a gutless jerk

Frankly, I Am Mystified

Baby,
(May I still call you baby?)
I thought we’re over it

I don’t want to call you ‘just a friend’
And it hurts me to call you an ex-lover
I just want to keep us linger
Even if only in my mind

But now you let it out
And I said you’re forgiven
Maybe you’re relieved, now
Me? Not me.

I’m still shattered and brokenhearted
And I’m still too much in vain
I don’t want to think it over
Don’t want to refrained the pain

Baby,
(I still want to call you baby)
I just don’t understand myself

Recitent

I Sneaked to his arms
Stole his kisses
Secretly cried and hoped he'd stay
Silently kept his words
But then he quietly left me in solitude..

At The End Of it All

Life sometimes took
All the energy I had
Even the so called ‘point of view’
Was just a shattered image I didn’t recognized

And I got sickI
got tired of pretending
This artificial strength
This phony smile

At some point, after the lonely journey,
I realize that all I need is just a home
For my restless soul..

Ya Rabb,
Let me in, please let me in..

Happy. Lousy. Lousily Happy.

The tunes that keep echoing in my ears
Am I supposed to be happy?
Or should I tell myself
To get a grip (or get real?),over and over again?

Do you really do?
Am I waiting?
Or was I ran away?

Tell me,
do you really do, baby?

Because I just had a lousy day
And I need to get a grip (or, again, get real?)

A Sanctuary For Unconscious Mind

I used to love this place
A sanctuary for unconscious mind
Silent thought outspoken loud
My reason to be
My place of faith
The tunes that I recognized
The crowd I called home
I sang my sadness awayIn these faces
I knewI built my world as I sought
I found myself and my way

But now it lies within my memories
A reminder to this pacing life
No matter how hard I try to stay
I realized I’ve move forward..

A Time To Exhale

I wanted to be free
Leave me, misery
Leave me
And love me no more

Despair

Uncertainty, uncertainty
Again, love fooled me
Wishes and hopes
Tortured me one more time

I want to learn to be skeptic
Not to pray for things
That might sever me
But feelings will always be feelings

I’m missing you without knowing when will I see you again..

Refrains Of The Reminescences

Tunes from the past I burnt in vain
Vulnerable words that floated in the atmosphere I breathe
The things that I miss when I really want to quit hoping
Running away from the wound but never were an absolute escape

Hello hello memories
A little space, a little place, a soul within
Every time I hear his voice I certainly wish I’m hearing a sound of love
That’s the feeling that haven’t changed into a past tense

Impatience Of A Curious Sort

Somewhere between the heart and the sky
Lay a question that shatters my consciousness
A “why” repeated over and over again

I’m waiting for the pleasant surprise

To My Favourite Man

Your eyes saw too many unfair things
Your hands bear too much burden
Your heart broke time after time
And the world took your laughter away
But you’ve never gave up
To fetch rainbows and butterflies to my life
Smile, please smile for me
Throw that worry away
You’ll always be my favourite man
And the sun will always shine for you

I love you, Daddy..

A C's Story

Preserved emotions, you and me
Kept in a glasshouse of feelings
I adore your loneliness
Oh happiness happiness, does it belong to you?

These unspoken clandestine
A terrestrial part of the so called “us”
Pledge is only a word
A word away from safe sanctuary

Am I here to complete your missing part?
A little affection turns to devotion
Until I’m through with all
Time will tell, time will tell..

[..to my dearest friend: C, they're just like drugs in our veins.. haha!]

He Is A Past Tense

The reason I kept
Simply was an affirmation to my wishes
Try hard
I’ve tried so hard to flout the emotions within
To keep up with the rhyme
Dig deep to my bonesHis eyes was

His smile was
His arms was
His body was
His heart was
His love was

At the end of it all
He’s just a past tense

No matter what..

Once Upon A Time On June

He shed a tear
And broke me to pieces
“I’m sorry”, in a little hush
Oh those lips I miss so much

I don’t want to count you out
Those were the times we had
Spend some more
Spend a lifetime, in fact

Silly, silly thought
Now just a space in between
One reason led to another
Oh those fears he brought

I shed a tear
He shattered me to pieces
“I’m sorry”, he whispered to me
“I just don’t love you like I used to”