Dwelling of The Murmurs

Mau Nulis...

2009-03-05T14:46:00.000-08:00

..apa yah?

*bengong lagi*

Swinging.

2008-09-01T22:11:00.000-07:00

Hello world

How things been going on out there?

Are the streets still the same?

And the light from sky craper

I miss being captivated by the fantasy within.

Strangely Familiar

2007-12-17T00:39:00.000-08:00

I recognize this empty feeling
The hollowness that suddenly appears
I do try not to cry, though
That was my best effort to hold my tears

But the pain was strangely too familiar..

Cinta

2007-08-21T02:11:00.003-07:00

Kekasihku,
Bolehkan aku memanggilmu cinta?
Hanya agar merasa damai
Sedikit saja, sedikit untukku
Biar resah ini menghilang

Kekasihku,
Izinkan aku memanggilmu cinta

Sekali ini saja

Jelaga Mimpi

2007-08-21T02:06:00.000-07:00

Dia datang
Lalu memelukku
Tak berjanji, tidak pula ungkapkan cinta
Hanya berkata: tinggalkan aku
Bila seribu mimpi yang dia tawarkan
Boleh aku uraikan menjadi apapun yang ku mau
Maka jadilah ia: pelita
Aku beku, jadilah ia: hangat
Tidak, tidak kataku
Tapi inilah hatiku
Bukan tidak, katanya
Hanya, jangan bermimpi terjaga di sampingnya
Jangan dulu
Karena dia datang
Tapi belum tentu untukku

Aku Mau Dirayu

2007-08-21T02:03:00.001-07:00

Rayu aku lagi
Seperti saat kita bermimpi
Dan dalam dekapmu
Dan dalam hela nafasmu
Dan seperti saat kita tertawa
Seperti saat aku tersenyum
Saat kau kecup aku
Seperti saat kau bilang, bukan selamat tinggal
Dan dalam harapan, yang kau minta ku enyahkan
Rayu aku lagi
Ketika aku sepi
Saat menangis diam-diam
Saat merasa mesra, tapi hampa
Saat rindu hanya tinggal biru
Dan dalam doaku
Dalam bisikan
Ketika angin malam mencumbu
Saat terjaga sampai pagi, seperti ini..

The Aftermath

2007-08-21T01:52:00.000-07:00

I was singing 'Head Over Feet'
Though I wasn't too sure
But I kept repeating the chorus
Until I feel like I believe it

These what if's in my head
These no's versus these ignorances
I sang to myself:
"I couldn't help it, it's all your fault"

Really, it was too good to be true
And indeed it is
We'll be too perfect
If there's such thing as perfect

So I just shove the hopes away
Not even try to find the reason why
You brave enough to came clean
And that's enough for me

'Cuz however it'll be too good to be true
However we'll be too perfect

Wrong

2007-08-21T01:39:00.000-07:00

Did you laways have those sparks in your eyes?
Did you always smile like that?
Did you always listen to me that careful?
Did you always laugh so sweet?

I never know, I never know
I think I was too busy looking for somebody else
Or perhaps I was too afraid to notice
If you ever noticed me

Did you always look at me that way?
Did you ever talk to me and make us laugh like crazy?
Did we ever live in a universe of you and me before?
A place where our conversation never went dry?

I didn't know, I didn't know
I guess I was too busy understanding somebody else
While all I need were never too far away
Not too hard to find if I wasn't try too hard

And when I'm aware of the butterflies in my stomach
All I can do is cursing the time
And wondering if she feels a slight of jealousy
When you mentioned my name

I am now trapped, and perfectly lost in your flirts
They were so flirtous almost like a joke
Or is it nothing more serious than merely a joke?
I need to know, I need to know

'Cuz even if this is so wrong
I've never felt so right like this for quite some times ..

And Then...

2007-08-09T04:15:00.000-07:00

There will always be shadows
Even on the sunniest day..

There's No Such Things

2007-07-12T00:40:00.000-07:00

No such things
As perfect love
Or match made in heaven
No such things
As wait forever
And here for you always
And definitely there is nothing
Like forgive and forget
So put the second chance behind
Because although there’s no such things as letting go completely,
But move on does exist.

Relapse Eps. 2

2007-07-12T00:31:00.000-07:00

On the couch, in his arms.
Under the jackfruit tree, between the laughter.
In the house of memories, when I cried.
Behind the silent wall, with sweet kisses.

Shouted.
Low voice.
Murmured.
Pronounced clearly.
Seriously spoken.
Teasing tone.
Courageously uttered.
Whispered carefully.

It’s all felt the same when he said, “You’re the one I need”.

Rindu #02

2007-06-11T03:56:00.000-07:00

Duhai wanita panutan
Kekasih Sang Manusia Terpilih
Akhlakmu adalah tempat belajarku
Karena ingin kupahami hidup, seperti kau simpulkan semua dalam langkahmu..

Rindu #01

2007-06-11T03:54:00.000-07:00

Tadi malam
Aku bersimpuh
Kusadari rinduku masih menggebu
Dan kuyakin rinduku akan selalu menggebu

Untuk cinta yang tak terukur dalamnya..

You Name It.

2007-03-28T21:34:00.000-07:00

If the word love can be replaced
I don’t want to call it love
Love is a strong word
And I’d rather ignore the thrust

I’m so scared to fall again
Because falling can break me down
Yet I don’t want this admiration to stop
Yes it’s funny, and hazy, and enhancing

I said to myself over and over again
To be very careful with my flimsy heart
I’ve learnt to hide my feelings
And I guess I’ve been too good at it

Conversely, I want to share the things
That’s been pestering me
Since the moment I realize
Your smile brightens up my day

I’ll say no more
Because it will only get more confusing
But those fascinating small eyes
Just won’t let me over you

Yeayeah

2007-03-28T21:32:00.000-07:00

Lupakah kamu
Kamupun pernah ucapkan cinta padaku
Meski tak kamu umumkan pada dunia
Tapi kamu bilang tak ada yang seperti aku?

Dan mungkin masih ada diingatanmu
Kata-kata yang kamu rangkai menjadi janji
Lalu kamu lemparkan ke tong sampah
di awal bulan Juli?

Aku tahu
Aku ingat

Dan aku tak terluka
Bila itu maksudmu ketika berkata
Kamu jatuh cinta pada gadis lain
Karena jatuh cinta bukanlah hal terbaik yang bisa kamu lakukan

Sejauh aku tahu,
kamu cuma hebat dalam berdusta

- 010107 -

Ciao

2007-03-28T21:28:00.000-07:00

Itulah ujungnya
Aku memutuskan untuk pergi
Tanpa dusta atau pura-pura
Aku tinggalkan semua
Dan berkata ini tlah usai
Karena tentangmu dan untukmu
Yang tersisa hanya kepastian:
Aku salah pernah memilihmu
(Bukan, bukan aku yang menjadi kesalahanmu)

Kamu tidak lagi
Dan tak akan pernah lagi
Istimewa.

- 010107 -

Not Yet

2007-03-13T02:33:00.000-07:00

Hey Mr. Smart Man!
Don’t break me down yet
Not now
Not before I dare to say ‘Hello’ to you

Please be patient cuz I’m still pulling my guts together

Queensland in General

2007-03-13T02:31:00.000-07:00

You, me
Holding hands
Sometime, somehow
We’ll have a date in Queensland

You Said You'd Stay

2007-03-13T01:19:00.000-07:00

Is it too much to ask for
A little space that used to be mine
A little place inside called heart
A spot that once belongs to me

I promise this time I’ll be patient
And I’ll make sure you’ll listen
I’ll trust every lie you claim as the truth
I promise I’ll be nice, I’ll be very quiet

Don’t shake your head
Don’t say you’ll thinking it over

I just need you to keep your promise
Cuz I’ve been holding on to your words
And you said you’d stay
Next to me, you’d stay

I hate to cry, I hate the drama
I don’t want to be mushy and all
Life has been pretty hard
You don’t need to hurt me this way

Don’t sigh, don’t raise your eyebrow
Don’t hold my hand and say you’re sorry

After all I just hope you keep your promise
And with all the words I have faith in
Is there any chance for you to stay?
Cuz some time ago you said you’d stay..

Shallow Man

2007-03-08T22:12:00.000-08:00

I said I’ve done with you
But things keep coming back
Over and again in an endless way
I need to get through it

There’s something stuck in my mind
The way you don’t treat me right
And how I want to scream to you
The words I’ve been kept

You won’t ask for forgiveness, I know
You might don’t care at all

No matter how much I hate you
No more hellos, not even a smile
No matter how ugly things go
You just won’t get it
Not in a zillion way

This could be one chance
To make you bleed to death
And you might die slowly
But is it worth to try?

Cuz I have the companion
I even have the whole troop
Or should I just let it pass
And drain my mind away?

You’re too shallow to understand, that’s for sure
But still I’ll spare your life

Even if I detest you
And no more hellos, no more smiles
Until everything gets dreadful
You still won’t get it
Not in a zillion way

The Drought

2007-01-29T21:33:00.000-08:00

There are the times
When nothing happens
Surrounded by silence
Alone and lonely

P e r f e c t l y s i n g l e

But however,
there will always be the deluge afterward..

...dia cantik sekali

2007-01-29T21:23:00.000-08:00

dia tersenyum
dan dunia bersinar bersama binar di matanya
lalu tawanya yang manis
seperti nyanyian matahari di awal pagi

tersentuh kulitnya, lembut
ingin dan ingin lagi bersamanya
dialah sahabat dan cinta
sempurna seputih salju
sederhana seperti embun

dan setelah kau ceritakan semua itu
kau bilang,
dia cantik sekali

maka akupun patah hati..

-sometimes we just have to let go and face it all–

The Pianist

2007-01-15T22:54:00.000-08:00

There is some happiness that couldn’t be owned
Certain happiness that wouldn’t be possessed
The ones that remain only as ecstatic thoughts
Or as a silent sigh when the memories evoked

Like those mesmerizing small eyes,
that adorable mysterious smile,
and the gentle tone on his words
Or even the way he blends himself into the music he plays

Those were the joy I can only dream about
Admiration from distance
Feel it in my melting heart
But not in my longing arms

He’s gorgeous
And I’m blissful just to consented to know him

Why Jealous?

2006-12-20T00:38:00.000-08:00

Time goes by
Come on, me
It's no longer appropriate to say
"Move On"

Stop thinking
Start smiling

Twenty Four

2006-11-27T01:33:00.000-08:00

Another year passed
And I'm still counting my blessings

Alhamdulillah

Good Morning, Weary

2006-11-07T20:10:00.000-08:00

I'm standing at the edge
Thinking about this pledge
The story of those little laughs
And how and what is left

These mouths are on the mute
Fury has forgotten its roots
and maybe I just let you push me over
Hoping it will soon be over

All those shouted opaque words
Do we imply what we say?
The little words that make the heart melt
Is that what we are supposed to felt?

I'm still thinking it over
Over and a little bit closer
The melody just shakes me over
Now how can I make it over
But I love you over and over

My hello is a good morning weary
With the tune that can't come out clearly
It's all tangled and jaded
But not necessarilly faded

I'm not really stay awake
My reasons are just for us sake
And I might as well shout it stiff
Or rather I jump off the cliff

It's just because I just do
Silly but there's nothing I won't do
That is the facts and that is the word
You burry me over and over

Written by Aisyah Iskandar, 21 December 2005. Days of meaningless tears :).

Daydream

2006-11-05T20:37:00.000-08:00

You were saying,
"I'm not ready. Here's the condition"
And I tried to do what it takes
To make you lead the way

And then I woke up
A part of me said, "It was only a dream"
Another half said,
"Maybe you'll never be ready, maybe I've always tried too hard"

We were holding hands
Or was that I'm the one who hold your hand?
I protect you from falling
And you stood taller than me

And then I woke up
A part of me said, "It was only a dream"
Another half said,
"Maybe you're always ahead of me, maybe I care too much for you all the time"

I stunned, I asked myself why
I tried to disclose the meanings
And you,
I guess you've decided to be in love with somebody else

Oh well, wake up, me!
It was always only a dream
Don't think too hard, don't wish too high, don't sleep too much
Sometimes dream just does not come true

Kenapa.

2006-10-01T20:39:00.000-07:00

Kadang aku berharap, aku tak pernah mengenal kata kenapa.

Somebody, please catch my fall.

Somewhere Beyond The Sea

2006-10-01T20:34:00.000-07:00

I know beyond the doubt, my heart will lead me there soon.

Somewhere beyond the sea, or beyond these buildings, far across the continents, or even here right next to me all along.

I know I’ll findout.

..and never again I’ll go sailing.

Stupid Girl

2006-09-17T01:34:00.000-07:00

You guys just did it
Made me feel like I was wanted
Like I was needed
Like I was always on your mind

But at the end
It was just an amusement for you
After you ask me to feel
You decide not to feel

Oh you guys all just the same
Lying, pretending, all at your best
And still
I have no right to be mad

I’m sick of this ‘stupid girl’ role
Be the one who got fooled all the time
Got flattered and then left behind
And still, I have no right to be mad

I won’t say “You’ll see”
Because you’re all to blind too see
Surely when I’m the one who’s doing this to you
You’re no stupid, and I’m the bitch

Oh you guys with your words
Or should I say, your deceptions?
Go chickened out all the time
But still, I don’t have the right to be mad

Yes,yes. Untuk yang datang dan pergi. Yang datang hanya saat kesepian. Yang datang karena baru putus. Kemudian menghilang dengan alasan ‘sibuk’. Yang datang hanya karena ingin pelukan. Yang datang hanya karena sedang jenuh dengan sang pacar. Apakah saya hanya sekedar pelipur lara kalian saja? Bagaimana dengan lara saya? Siapa yang mau melipur?

Well, you all can go screw yourself up.Tapi sebelumnya, ijinkan saya berteriak: BRENGSEK!

A Paper Bag, A Joke, and A Friend

2006-09-17T00:51:00.000-07:00

A paper bag filled with love
Sent for your familly at home
Screaming the words of confuseness

A joke and a laughter later
A friend said something that made me thinking it over

Oh what the hell
It's ended long ago anyway

Escape

2006-09-17T00:49:00.000-07:00

Where the night ends
There I'll be sleeping
Not to think of you
And burn this love to ashes

I'm holding on to the feelings
You don't feel anymore

Pasti

2006-09-17T00:44:00.000-07:00

Aku ada, aku mengerti
Ada bisa jadi, ada pasti
Karena hati tak bisa sembunyi
Dan setiap nafas terucap 'Sepi!'

Bertemu denganmu lagi
pasti akan seperti ini
Meskipun tak ingin berfikir
Tapi aku ada, aku tahu pasti

Dan kita akan melangkah pergi
Kita akan pura-pura benci
Menjauh tanpa coba pahami
Yakini itu cuma mimpi

Karena untukku dan untuk diri ini
Ada yang lain yang terbaik
Ingin menyangkal dan berkata mungkin
Tapi lebih baik kubilang pasti

Aku cukupkan, tak ingin lagi sakit hati

I Don't Even Want To

2006-09-17T00:42:00.001-07:00

I don't want to try to understand anything
Not your 'hellos'
Neither our laughter

I don't want to think about it
Not even a single 'why'
I'll let it pass this time

And this silly smirk means
I don't even want to try

Take Care

2006-09-17T00:42:00.000-07:00

I won't deny anything
I won't explain anything

Good bye.

Your Love Is Poison

2006-09-17T00:40:00.000-07:00

I need to rest my mind
It's exhausting to think,
to think about you
Baby it's heartbreaking

Do all the things I've done
Mean a little something to you?
Or was those are nothing more
Nothing more but burdens?

Do I have a spot in your heart
Do I own a spot
That lies only for me
In your heart?

There' s a hole down there
each time I'm thinking of you
I'm sinking so deep
Hoping somehow I'll survive

Do I have a spot in your heart
Do I own a spot
That lies only for me
In your heart?

I love you deep
But your love is poison
Your love is suicidal
Your love is aching, but I enjoy the pain

.waktu itu tanggal 20 Mei 2005.

I Quit From Everything

2006-09-17T00:38:00.000-07:00

I quit from not hoping

I quit from hoping

I quit from not trying

I quit from trying

I quit from not loving

I quit from loving

I quit from ingoring

I quit from caring

I quit from moving

I quit from being static

I quit from not thinking

I quit from thinking

I quit from being strong

I quit from being weak

I quit from you

I quit from them

I quit from smiling

I quit from crying

I quit from pretending

I quit from being real

I quit from not understand

I quit from understanding

I quit from being honest

I quit from making excuses

I quit from being somebedy else

I quit from being myself

Dalam Suatu Sunyi

2006-09-17T00:37:00.000-07:00

Jika kau merindukanku
Akupun tengah merindukanmu
Jika kau tidak,
rinduku tetap untukmu
Aku seperti bintang mati
Sepi
Aku tanpa makna
Bermimpi berlari,
aku tidak terbangun
Maka aku tetap disini
Menanti?
Menanti.
Dan menjadi angin
Hampa, tanpa cerita
Aku.
Dirimu.
Rindu.
Cinta.
Omong kosong.
Tapi aku menunggu

*seperti saat tersenyum tersipu menatap semangkuk bubur ayam..

Over And Over Again

2006-09-17T00:36:00.000-07:00

For some reasons beyond the doubt
It will always be a “why” ahead

We’re connected way too deep, sugar baby

Even if it’s only me.

Chicken

2006-09-17T00:35:00.000-07:00

I don't know what to call you
But a gutless jerk

Frankly, I Am Mystified

2006-09-17T00:34:00.001-07:00

Baby,
(May I still call you baby?)
I thought we’re over it

I don’t want to call you ‘just a friend’
And it hurts me to call you an ex-lover
I just want to keep us linger
Even if only in my mind

But now you let it out
And I said you’re forgiven
Maybe you’re relieved, now
Me? Not me.

I’m still shattered and brokenhearted
And I’m still too much in vain
I don’t want to think it over
Don’t want to refrained the pain

Baby,
(I still want to call you baby)
I just don’t understand myself

Recitent

2006-09-17T00:34:00.000-07:00

I Sneaked to his arms
Stole his kisses
Secretly cried and hoped he'd stay
Silently kept his words
But then he quietly left me in solitude..

At The End Of it All

2006-09-17T00:32:00.000-07:00

Life sometimes took
All the energy I had
Even the so called ‘point of view’
Was just a shattered image I didn’t recognized

And I got sickI
got tired of pretending
This artificial strength
This phony smile

At some point, after the lonely journey,
I realize that all I need is just a home
For my restless soul..

Ya Rabb,
Let me in, please let me in..

Happy. Lousy. Lousily Happy.

2006-09-17T00:31:00.000-07:00

The tunes that keep echoing in my ears
Am I supposed to be happy?
Or should I tell myself
To get a grip (or get real?),over and over again?

Do you really do?
Am I waiting?
Or was I ran away?

Tell me,
do you really do, baby?

Because I just had a lousy day
And I need to get a grip (or, again, get real?)

A Sanctuary For Unconscious Mind

2006-09-17T00:28:00.000-07:00

I used to love this place
A sanctuary for unconscious mind
Silent thought outspoken loud
My reason to be
My place of faith
The tunes that I recognized
The crowd I called home
I sang my sadness awayIn these faces
I knewI built my world as I sought
I found myself and my way

But now it lies within my memories
A reminder to this pacing life
No matter how hard I try to stay
I realized I’ve move forward..

A Time To Exhale

2006-09-17T00:26:00.000-07:00

I wanted to be free
Leave me, misery
Leave me
And love me no more

Despair

2006-09-17T00:21:00.000-07:00

Uncertainty, uncertainty
Again, love fooled me
Wishes and hopes
Tortured me one more time

I want to learn to be skeptic
Not to pray for things
That might sever me
But feelings will always be feelings

I’m missing you without knowing when will I see you again..

Refrains Of The Reminescences

2006-09-05T03:37:00.000-07:00

Tunes from the past I burnt in vain
Vulnerable words that floated in the atmosphere I breathe
The things that I miss when I really want to quit hoping
Running away from the wound but never were an absolute escape

Hello hello memories
A little space, a little place, a soul within
Every time I hear his voice I certainly wish I’m hearing a sound of love
That’s the feeling that haven’t changed into a past tense

Impatience Of A Curious Sort

2006-09-05T03:35:00.000-07:00

Somewhere between the heart and the sky
Lay a question that shatters my consciousness
A “why” repeated over and over again

I’m waiting for the pleasant surprise

To My Favourite Man

2006-09-05T03:30:00.000-07:00

Your eyes saw too many unfair things
Your hands bear too much burden
Your heart broke time after time
And the world took your laughter away
But you’ve never gave up
To fetch rainbows and butterflies to my life
Smile, please smile for me
Throw that worry away
You’ll always be my favourite man
And the sun will always shine for you

I love you, Daddy..

A C's Story

2006-09-05T03:28:00.000-07:00

Preserved emotions, you and me
Kept in a glasshouse of feelings
I adore your loneliness
Oh happiness happiness, does it belong to you?

These unspoken clandestine
A terrestrial part of the so called “us”
Pledge is only a word
A word away from safe sanctuary

Am I here to complete your missing part?
A little affection turns to devotion
Until I’m through with all
Time will tell, time will tell..

[..to my dearest friend: C, they're just like drugs in our veins.. haha!]

He Is A Past Tense

2006-09-05T03:26:00.000-07:00

The reason I kept
Simply was an affirmation to my wishes
Try hard
I’ve tried so hard to flout the emotions within
To keep up with the rhyme
Dig deep to my bonesHis eyes was

His smile was
His arms was
His body was
His heart was
His love was

At the end of it all
He’s just a past tense

No matter what..

Once Upon A Time On June

2006-09-05T03:21:00.000-07:00

He shed a tear
And broke me to pieces
“I’m sorry”, in a little hush
Oh those lips I miss so much

I don’t want to count you out
Those were the times we had
Spend some more
Spend a lifetime, in fact

Silly, silly thought
Now just a space in between
One reason led to another
Oh those fears he brought

I shed a tear
He shattered me to pieces
“I’m sorry”, he whispered to me
“I just don’t love you like I used to”

Melancholic B***h

2006-08-29T03:35:00.000-07:00

Faraway from home
I flew away, faraway from home
Trying to reach out for the stars
Reaching what I believe I deserved
This time this moment
These wishes this mind this body
This is what I am
I do believe I deserve to dream
Still somehow I found myself dying
Lonely and alone..crying
Hold me now I need to hold on
Just take me to where you are

Hollow

2006-08-29T03:33:00.000-07:00

there
those were the chairs we sat on
when we talked about your ideology
(a mouthful of craps)
and the oops after the small eyes conversation

those are just empty chairs, now
nothing but nothing.

I LOVE YOU

2006-08-29T03:32:00.000-07:00

For every single thing that I can remember

I love You.

Lessons of Life

2006-08-29T03:30:00.000-07:00

Skeptic and faded
No more.
No more.
Rise and shine
I’m brighter than ever
Weak and pathetic
Long ago.
Long ago.
It was just a game
Pretty much a game
I learnt.
I got up.
I smile.
I’m smiling!
I’m not that stupid someone
No more.
N o m o r e.

Your Ideology and A Mouthful of Craps

2006-08-29T03:24:00.000-07:00

“it’s black
my ideology is black
also honesty and sweet words
perhaps a little guilty feelings, too”

but most of all
you’re just a mouthful of craps.

CHAOTIC VERSION OF YOU

2006-08-29T03:19:00.000-07:00

Oh yes, indeed
I’ve never really listen to you
I’ve seen your kind before
You and your mate
The ones that speak your language

Please count me out
Enjoy your own sin
Make some more sin
You’ll get what you deserve
You and your mate

And then you’ll see
You and your mate will see
Liars get liars
And things will get so ugly
For you and your mate

It’ll be chaotic
Oh yes, it will be

L'ESPOIR INTERDIRE #4

2006-08-29T03:04:00.000-07:00

And if I got scared of this feeling
Is it a mistake?
I need to feel what's there
Despite of any other wounded heart

I tought I saw something
Please. Please. Please.

The Drugs On Him

2006-08-25T02:57:00.000-07:00

People say that he’s never been good
Not to me or anybody
But his white presence I can’t ignore
I could give my life just to touch him

Sipping his sense to my body
I always love his scent
No more pain I feel
I’m free when he’s inside

Ten years from now it might have over
But he will be there always
Remind me how good he was to me
But too much him in my vein will kill me..